Today had been rough, we're so close to J deploying, I'm sick, it's been shitty outside. I went to bed last night with big plans to finish getting the house in order and after 6 attempts all resulting dizzy, sick, vertigo I gave up.
We're all way off schedule. Eating late, sleeping weird. Everyone is cranky. Sometimes I forget how much an hour or two can make when it comes to a kids routine. And lately food is the last thing on my mind. Tonight we were in full meltdown mode. The kids were being flat out bad, J and I both feel sick and all 4 of us were tantruming. Finally I made supper and it amazes me that they ate and are now quietly playing on their own and soon Lyra will be in bed.
Part of us (the collective J and I) want to talk about his leaving, but mostly we avoid it. It's hard, we'll make a few jokes about stuff and then there's that one too many, it's not the joke itself just that invisible line that's always changing on the topic of away. It's hard when the kids don't want to cuddle or be affectionate. It hard to explain to 1.5 and 3 years olds that you need to hug Daddy now because this time next week you won't be able to.
11 months seems like a lifetime and I spend a lot of time wondering what I'm going to do with myself and my children. In reality even though his HLTA is not well broken up the time will likely not be as bad as I think. In fact our first period will barely be over a month, then I'll spend a few months with my family in NS, and we'll be back in time for his second HLTA. The longest period will be the 5 months after that. Plus I have tons of yarn and games to keep me busy when the kids are sleeping and hopefully I can make a little money this season. If I can sell 30 hats I will break even.
But mostly we try not to think about it.
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